Post by scrattelover2 on Jul 19, 2010 13:32:31 GMT -5
BENEATH PERFECTION
Written by
S. S. Wilson & Brent Maddock
WD6
6/21/88
1 EXT. DESERT VALLEY - DAY 1
The high desert -- absolutely silent -- a vast, hard land-
scape stretching away to distant mountains. The silence is
broken by hoof-beats.
2 EXT. EDGAR'S PLACE - DAY 2
It's a simple cabin dwarfed by a big, ramshackle barn. EDGAR
DEEMS (60s), a weathered desert rat of a hermit, is walking
his donkey around in circles.
Now, rattling toward them down an endless dirt road, comes an
old, sun-bleached Buick. It stops and out leans OLD FRED
(70s) wearing a sweat-stained fedora. The two friends nod.
OLD FRED
How's she doing?
EDGAR
She wants to lay down. I'm a
little worried.
Old Fred climbs out with a bushel basket of carrots.
OLD FRED
Well, I brung her something I know
she likes.
EDGAR
Damn, Fred, you can't give away all
those.
OLD FRED
Forget it. I got vegetables coming
out my ears. Usually the varmints
eat up half my crop, but lately I
ain't so much as seen a gopher or a
jack-rabbit nowheres.
EDGAR
If that ain't the truth. And I
count on them for a little bit of
stew meat...Thank you, Fred.
Edgar takes the carrots and feeds one to the donkey.
EDGAR (cont'd)
Here you go, Justine. Look what
Fred brought you.
OLD FRED
We playing cards tonight?
EDGAR
I think I'm gonna be sitting up
with her.
OLD FRED
I'd do the same. Well, catch you
Thursday.
EDGAR
You bet.
The men nod, and Old Fred drives off.
CLOSE-UP of the donkey's hooves thumping along as Edgar leads
her to the barn.
EDGAR (cont'd)
Let's get you out of the sun for a
spell.
EDGAR (cont'd)
I'll get you some fresh water.
But, suddenly, we hear the donkey restlessly stomping its
hooves and braying. Edgar turns, concerned. Now we hear an
odd sound. Distant thunder? The wind? The donkey gets more
and more frantic.
The barn shudders violently. Frightened birds explode from
the eaves. Dust puffs from every old seam. Roof shingles
rain down. Edgar stares in amazement.
EDGAR (cont'd)
...some kind of earthquake!?
Then another sound -- the donkey starts screeching in wild
panic.
EDGAR (cont'd)
Justine, hang on! I'm coming!
Edgar races back to the barn and flings open the doors.
3 INT. EDGAR'S BARN - DAY 3
Dust swirls through the air. But -- the barn in empty. No
donkey. Now Edgar is hit by a ghastly stench. He staggers
back, and covers his nose with a handkerchief. Then he sees,
splattered across the walls -- blood!
EDGAR
What in the name of Jehovah...?
He raises his arms above the door frame. When he lowers them
he's holding a 12 gauge shotgun. He races outside, ready to
shoot, but there's nothing -- as far as the eye can see.
4 EXT. CLIFFS - DAWN 4
The sun lights up spectacular sheer cliffs which plunge 1000
feet from a ruggedly beautiful high-desert plateau. At the
top of the cliffs, silhouetted against the dawn, a lone cow-
boy seems to gaze in deep contemplation at the sunrise. As
we MOVE IN, we realize he's actually peeing over the cliff.
This is VALENTINE MCKEE (25). Smart and good looking, Val
has nevertheless managed to underachieve brilliantly. He
coasts through life, following the path of least resistance
-- which has brought him to this dubious rustic existence on
the edge of civilization. But lately he's beginning to
wonder why he hasn't accomplished more in his 25 years.
As a few sleepy cows gaze at him, sleepy Val shuffles over to
his battered old pickup truck. A hand-painted sign on the
door reads: "V & E -- All Type's of Job's." Indeed, the
pick-up bed is jumbled with tools and supplies for every
conceivable odd job -- and the noisily snoring form of his
partner huddled in a dirty sleeping bag. Val raps on the
side of the truck.
VAL
(softly)
Good morning, Mr. Bassett, this is
your wake-up call. Please move
your fat ass.
No response from the sleeping bag. Val stares at the cows
chewing their cud -- and perks up as he gets an idea. He
gently steps onto the truck's running board, then suddenly
starts jumping up and down as hard as he can, rocking the
truck violently.
VAL (cont'd)
STAMPEDE! EARL, GET OUT OF THE
WAY!
The sleeping bag tries to get up and run for it. It tumbles
out of the back of the pickup. While Val laughs uproar-
iously, EARL BASSET (43) claws his way out of the bag, looks
around wildly, and finds himself staring at three motionless
cows.
EARL
You dumb shit.
Earl is a good-ol' boy who has lived his life just like Val,
drifting from job to job. He knows why he hasn't accom-
plished anything, and often tries to impart his hard-won
wisdom to Val, but the last thing the younger man wants is
advice.
Earl stretches. The men begin a silent ritual: Earl gropes
through his pockets for a cigarette, but only finds a
lighter. Meanwhile, Val digs in his pockets, coming up with
cigarettes, but no lighter. Typical of these two, each guy
always has half of what he needs. Eventually they sort it
out, trading the necessary implements.
Earl reaches for a coffee-pot on a battered Coleman stove on
the tailgate. But it's cold.
EARL
You didn't cook breakfast?
VAL
Did it yesterday. Franks and
beans.
EARL
(tries to recall)
No...it was eggs. I did eggs.
VAL
Hell you did. Your turn.
Earl raises his fist. This is The Challenge, and it instantly
triggers the partners' conflict-resolution technique. They
solve all disputes using the children's game of "scissors,
rock, paper." Earl raises his fist in response. The game is
played swiftly and silently -- one, two, three. On three,
Val mimes "paper" (open hand. Earl mimes "scissors" (two
extended fingers). Scissors cuts paper. Val has lost. He
shrugs and starts pumping up the stove fuel tank.
VAL (cont'd)
Well, when I'm your age I'll
probably forget what I eat, too.
4A EXT. DESERT VALLEY - FENCE - DAY 4A
Val and Earl are restringing a dilapidated, and seemingly
endless, barbed wire fence. A few bored cows watch them.
VAL
How many cows does it take to make
a stampede? Is it like three or
more? Is there a minimum speed?
EARL
(shakes his head)
I was in one. A bolt of lightning
blew up cottonwood tree. Three
hundred head going hell-bent for
the horizon. Wasn't so damn funny,
I can tell you.
Earl's hand slips and the fence snags him right through his
thick glove.
EARL (cont'd)
Ow! God damn! Is this a job for
intelligent men?!
VAL
If there was one nearby I'd
probably ask him.
EARL
I keep thinking, if we were but
half serious about money, we should
quit being hired hands and...
VAL
(mock serious)
Handymen, Earl. We're handymen.
EARL
Whatever the hell we are, we should
quit and go get ourselves some real
employment.
Val gestures to the vastness around them.
VAL
What, and give up all this personal
freedom?
5 EXT. JEEP TRAIL - DAY 5
Val guides the truck down a tortuous, rocky, almost impas-
sable trail. It takes full concentration as he fights the
steering wheel, shifts, rides the brake and leans out trying
to pick a decent route. Earl braces his feet on the dash and
munches breakfast, a raw hot dog right out of the package.
VAL
Goddamn jeep trail gets worse every
year.
EARL
(shrugs)
Has a lot of rain.
Earl pulls a box of Hershey bars from under the seat. There's
only one bar left. He sets the box down between them. Val
glances at it -- and raises his fist: The Challenge. One,
two, three. Val mimes "paper;" Earl mimes "rock." Earl
loses. Val takes the bar.
EARL
(pointing ahead)
You're gonna get us hung up.
VAL
Do not talk to the driver.
THWONK! The truck lurches to a stop, its frame caught on a
big rock. Val glares at Earl.
6 EXT. DESERT INTERSECTION - PICK-UP TRUCK - DAY 6
The pick-up turns from a dirt road onto an old paved road.
VAL (V.O.)
What do we have next?
7 INT. PICK-UP - MOVING - DAY 7
Earl consults a crumpled list pulled from inside his hat.
EARL
Uh...Digging that waterhole for
Nestor.
VAL
Burt and Heather's place is closer.
Let's do their kitchen today. Do
Nestor tomorrow.
EARL
Nestor's out of town tomorrow. We
don't dig today. We don't get paid
today. Damn it, Valentine, you
never plan ahead. You never take
the long view. Hell, here it is
Monday and I'm already working on
Wednesday.
(squints dubiously at
his schedule)
It is Monday, right?
But Val is peering at the desert up ahead. Off the road a
ways is a small Toyota pick-up truck and, beside it, a lone
figure trying to flag them down.
VAL
Who the hell's that? That's not
what's his name...the grad student?
EARL
Nah, it's September. Must be the
new one.
VAL
The new one! That's supposed to be
a girl!
Earl braces himself, knowing what Val will do. Val swerves
the truck wildly off the road, barreling across the desert.
VAL (cont'd)
(almost praying)
You will have long blonde hair, big
green eyes, nice full breasts that
stand up and say hello, ass that
won't quit. And legs, legs that go
all the way up!
Earl shakes his head, mildly bemused as they slide to a stop
in a cloud of dust.
8 EXT. DESERT - RHONDA'S TRUCK - DAY 8
Val looks out hopefully. The dust clears. He sees her --
RHONDA LeBECK, (25). Val's eyes do an expert vertical scan:
short brown hair, small brown eyes, so-so chest, legs hidden
in baggy dungarees.
Laden with a portable computer, notebooks, and some
seismograph printouts, she stares at him through tilted
glasses. Her little pick-up truck is loaded with geology
field equipment. She shakes Val's hand firmly.
RHONDA
(brightly)
Hi, I'm Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck.
I'm up here for the semester...
VAL
Yeah, geography.
RHONDA
Right, geology. And you have to be
Val and Earl. I've heard all about
you.
EARL
We deny everything.
Rhonda smiles.
RHONDA
Listen, got a question for you. Do
you know if anybody is doing any
blasting or drilling or anything
like that?
VAL
Around here? Why would they?
RHONDA
Well, I'm supposed monitor these
seismographs. You know, they
measure vibrations...
VAL
Yeah, vibrations in the ground.
RHONDA
Yeah, well, I'm getting what I
refer to scientifically as "weird
vibes." every sensor I've got is
giving me strange readings. I
mean, the school has had these
machines up here three years and
they've never recorded anything
like this.
EARL
Well, we'll ask around. Let you
know if we hear of anything.
RHONDA
Thanks. God, I hope they're not
screwed up. I might have to bag
the whole semester. Anyway, sorry
to bother you.
EARL
No problem. Nice meeting you.
Hope you get it sorted out.
Rhonda unhappily turns back to her equipment as Val and Earl
drive off.
9 INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - MOVING - DAY 9
Earl glances over at Val with a gleam in his eye.
EARL
You know, if you wanted, we could
take a look at those seismographs
for her.
VAL
What the hell do we know about
seismographs?
EARL
Nothing. But it sure might be a
nice way of getting to know her.
VAL
Why?
EARL
Goddamnit, Valentine, you won't go
for any gal unless she fits that
damn list of yours A to Z...
VAL
Well, sure.
EARL
...And is dumber than my hind end.
Like that Bobby Lynn Dexter...
Val flips down the truck's sunvisor. Tapes to it are snap-
shots of nearly identical blonde bimbos. Val points to one.
VAL
(defensively)
Tammy Lynn Baxter.
EARL
Don't matter. They're all the
same: dead weight. Can't make a
decision, can't walk because of
their shoes, can't work because of
their fingernails. Make my skin
crawl!
VAL
Well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
EARL
I thought you called it your
pecker. Look, don't make the
mistake I made. Twenty years of
looking for a woman exactly like
Miss October 1968, and where'd it
get me? Here with you.
Val rolls his eyes -- "Give me a break."
10 EXT. PERFECTION - ESTABLISH - DAY 10
The pick-up rattles toward a tiny, utterly isolated high
desert hamlet -- a few dozen houses and mobile homes fighting
for shade in the vast landscape. Its most prominent feature
is an aging wood-frame water tower, perhaps 25 feet high,
near the center of town. A sign PANS into view --
"PERFECTION -- Pop. 14."
11 EXT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 11
Val and Earl head past the water tower for Pham Van's General
Store, Perfection's main gossip stop and only business. The
store's sign, in English and Vietnamese, reads: "Groceries,
Haircuts, Post Office, Town Hall, VIDEOS!" Val and Earl park
next to a camouflage-painted, large-tired Blazer.
Just then they spot MELVIN, the town's surly teen-aged pain-
in-the-ass, coming toward them, mindlessly bouncing a
basketball off the hoods of parked cars. As he nears their
truck:
EARL
Melvin, touch that truck and die.
MELVIN
Oh, man, I'm really shaking.
But he steers clear of their truck.
12 INT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 12
Inside, the energetic Vietnamese owner, PHAM VAN, presides
over his all-purpose establishment: part general store, part
barber shop, part saloon.
At the bar are BURT GUMMER and his wife HEATHER, two no-
nonsense survivalists who have settled in Perfection to await
the coming apocalypse -- a nice enough couple, but there's a
hint of paranoia around the edges. Burt is shoving a box of
cartridges across to Pham.
BURT
No, Pham, they're not hollow
points. I ordered hollow points
and that's what I want.
When Val and Earl enter, Pham automatically pops the tops on
two cold beers and has them in place before the cowboys reach
the bar. Everyone exchanged nods.
HEATHER
Hi, guys, what you been up to?
VAL
Ran into the new college student,
Rona.
EARL
Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck. She's
getting some kind of strange
readings on her things.
BURT
Damn, you know, those kids turn up
oil or uranium or something out
there...next thing the Feds will be
at our door. "Sorry, time to move.
Eminent domain."
HEATHER
Down, honey, down.
VAL
Yeah, Burt. The way you worry,
you're gonna have a heart attack
before you get to survive World War
III.
Heather and Pham laugh. Burt smiles patiently. Just then
the compressor in Pham's ice cream freezer comes on. It's a
loud chug-chug-chug sound mixed with a high-pitched squeal.
PHAM VAN
Hey Val, listen. Bearing going
out, you think?
VAL
Could be.
He starts toward the compressor, but Earl heads him off.
EARL
Catch it later, Pham. Gotta get
over to Nestor's.
VAL
Right. We plan ahead. That way we
don't do anything right now. Earl
explained it to me.
As they turn to go, Val does a take, amazed, as he spots a
decorative bleached-out cattle skull displayed on the counter
-- with a $29.95 price tag.
VAL (cont'd)
Hey, Pham Van, what the hell is
this?
BURT
A beauty, isn't it? We bought three
of them for the rec room.
VAL
(whispers to Pham Van)
We sell 'em to you for three bucks
a piece!
PHAM VAN
(deadpan)
And I appreciate it.
VAL
(playfully)
You don't get it, Pham. The idea
was: we were ripping you off.
Suddenly a car alarm blares from outside. Burt's out the
door in a flash. The others follow.
13 EXT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 13
Burt races out and shouts at Melvin who back guiltily away
from Burt's camouflage Blazer.
BURT
Melvin, you little pain-in-the-ass!
MELVIN
It wasn't me, man! Your truck's
just screwed up, that's all.
Burt angrily switches off the alarm. Val and Earl laugh as
they climb into their truck.
VAL
Why don't his parents ever take him
to Vegas with them?
EARL
You gotta ask that?
14 EXT. PIT - DAY 14
At one end of town, Earl maneuvers a huge bulldozer with a
scoop-loader blade through a choking cloud of dust, scouring
out a shallow pit to serve as a watering hole. Val sights
down a row of stakes which mark one end of the pit. The job
is done. He signals Earl to cut the engine. Both men have
kerchiefs covering their faces and are totally encrusted with
dust.
15 ANGLE - TRUCK TRAILER - DAY 15
Nearby is an old battered truck trailer -- the massive, solid
steel kind used for heavy rock hauling. Tires flat, mired in
dried mud and weeds, it hasn't been used in years. Now it
provides welcome shade as the men sit sipping some coffee.
NESTOR CUNNINGHAM drives up, surveying the pit with approval.
NESTOR
It came out great, boys. Should
fill up just fine come the next
rain. Lemme have your bill.
Earl and Val start fishing in their pockets for pen and
paper. Earl comes up with various pieces of paper, Val with
three or four pens. It's a moment before they realize each
has the other needed implement. Earl writes out the bill
during:
NESTOR (cont'd)
I'll have to send it to you the
first of the month, boys.
Val and Earl exchange pained looks.
NESTOR (cont'd)
Now, you know I'm good for it.
VAL
Yeah, Nestor, we know. Don't worry
about it. Catch us when you can.
They amble over to their truck. Earl takes the driver's side
-- and starts fishing in his pockets for the key.
VAL (cont'd)
Are we too easy-going?
EARL
No, we're not too easy-going. This
area is economically depressed.
Val realizes he has the key and hands it over.
VAL
So what if we just did it...today.
Pack up. Drive straight down to
Bixby. Get serious.
EARL
We could. We could. But we'd have
to get really serious. It's gonna
cost twice as much to rent a place.
VAL
So? That car wash pays good, and
they're always looking.
EARL
Car wash?! That's got no future.
If we're gonna take the plunge we
oughta have a better plan than
that.
VAL
Yeah, sure. Go ahead and plan
it...for a year or two.
16 EXT. VIOLA'S PLACE - DAY 16
CLOSE ON a stencilled sign: PHAM VAN'S U-RENT -- CESSPOOL,
SEPTIC TANKS. PULL OUT to see Val and Earl have rented a
portable septic pump (perhaps trailer mounted). The aged
machine reeks of and drips with its ignoble cargo. The
intake hose has been repaired so often it looks to be more
tape than hose. Grimacing Val threads the slimy hose down
through the open top of Viola's cesspool.
Beside them is Viola's well-kept mobile home on a low hill
not far from Pham Van's store. Well-kept flower gardens
surround the place. VIOLA, a sweet little old lady, watches
the men work while straining to hold the leash of her tiny
but ferocious dog. The dog yaps continuously, lunging at
Val and Earl.
VIOLA
Stop it! Stop it, you horrid
animal!
(to Val and Earl)
I'm going to give her back to my
son. I swear it.
VAL
Hey, Viola, you've got my
permission.
EARL
God almighty, my mama sure didn't
raise me for this.
Val gets up and starts the pump's gas engine.
VAL
Well, you're the one won't work in
the car wash. You're the one's
gotta have a plan.
EARL
Damn it, Val! Not having a plan is
what keeps us doing jobs like this!
Earl angrily throws the pump valve and starts the pump
mechanism. He and Val on stand either side of the intake
hose as it gurgles happily.
VAL
What keeps us doing jobs like this
is you dragging your feet. I was
up for going to Bixby. I was
getting excited.
EARL
In the past year I must've said a
hundred times "We gotta get out of
Perfection. We gotta better
ourselves." You gonna stand there
in broad daylight and tell me you
think I'm the reason we're still
here? You want to know how close I
am to going to Bixby right now?
VAL
I'll call that little bluff. How
close?
POW! GOOOOSH! The gurgling intake hose ruptures, showering
them with -- well you know. They react as if they'd been
shot; gagging, staggering, screaming obscenities.
17 EXT. VAL AND EARL'S TRAILER - DAY 17
Val and Earl's beat-up mobile home is just down the street
from Pham Van's store. Val and Earl, now in cleaner clothes,
march out resolutely. Val has a portable TV in one hand and
a framed COORS beer sign in the other. Earl unhooks the
clothes line and dumps it, clothes and all, into the back of
their truck, on top of the rest of their belongings.
They stare at each other for a moment. This is it. No going
back. They leap into the truck. As they drive off, Val leans
out and yanks their wooden nameplate ("E. Basset -- V. McKee")
off the mailbox.
18 EXT. NANCY'S HOUSE - DAY 18
They haven't gone fifty yards when they spot NANCY STERNGOOD
(40s) working in front of her house. The guys pull their
hats low over their faces. Earl swerves to the far side of
the street.
EARL
Uh oh, it's Nancy. She wants
another load of firewood.
VAL
Forget it, man. It's not worth it.
Nancy spots them and beckons excitedly.
EARL
She's got us. Now, listen, the
plan is: we have done our last job
in Perfection.
VAL
That's the plan.
They stop beside Nancy. While they talk, Nancy's daughter,
MINDY (9), comes bouncing along on her pogo-stick, listening
to her Walkman and slowly circling the truck.
NANCY
Mindy, honey, don't pogo in the
street. Hey, guys, I've got a job
for you...
EARL
Sorry, Nancy. We ain't doing odd
jobs anymore. We're headed for
Bixby permanent.
NANCY
(skeptical)
Oh, sure...
(sees stuff in back of
truck)
...My God, you really are!
VAL
Yep, we're relocating to an area
with a greater economic base.
(to Mindy, over her music)
Hey, Mindy, what's the count?
MINDY
Six hundred three, six hundred
four, six hundred five...
VAL
Go for it!
NANCY
Gee, guys. I made the big
decision. I'm putting in that
satellite dish. I was going to
offer you five hundred dollars.
Val and Earl glance at each other -- five hundred dollars!
19 EXT. DESERT ROAD - PICK-UP TRUCK - DAY 19
The truck roars toward the "Leaving Perfection" sign. Val
and Earl are elated, downright giddy.
EARL
We did it! We faced temptation and
we did not bend!
VAL
Damn straight! Now there's nothing
between us and Bixby but nothing!
They zoom past the sign.
VAL (cont'd)
Last time we'll see that sign!
They laugh, then are thrown half out of their seats as Earl
accidentally hits a big pothole.
EARL
Last time we hit that goddamn
pothole!
20 EXT. DESERT - WIDE - DAY 20
As the truck streaks across the landscape. Val and Earl
merrily continue their good-byes to whatever is visible.
VAL (V.O.)
So long, cactus!
EARL (V.O.)
Adios, bridge!
21 EXT. CANYON ROAD - DAY 21
On its way down from the high desert, the lonely road now
winds through a twisting, narrow canyon. A county highway
maintenance truck is parked to one side and two road workers,
CARMINE and HOWARD, repair a slide-damaged section of the
road, Carmine breaking up asphalt with a jackhammer. Val and
Earl pull up, hand them each a beer, and speed away, shouting:
VAL
Last time down this damn twisty
road!
22 EXT. SHACK - DAY 22
The pick-up speeds past a small shack. Val and Earl
automatically roll up their windows. In a moment we see why:
a monster, ferocious dog comes galloping out to chase their
truck. Earl gives the dog the finger.
EARL
Last chance, asshole. Run, run...!
23 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 23
Old Fred latches the gate on his corral filled with sheep.
He looks up as Val and Earl's truck speeds past. Val and Earl
honk their horn and wave happily. Old Fred waves back.
24 EXT. ROAD - ELECTRICAL TOWERS - DAY 24
The pick-up zooms along, the road now paralleling a line of
tall high-tension electrical towers.
25 INT./EXT. PICK-UP TRUCK - MOVING - DAY 25
The guys have calmed down, but each is still dreaming of a
new life.
EARL
Okay, here's the plan. We bust our
tails in the car wash six months...
well, maybe nine...and we don't
spend a dime, you know? And then
we go for it...down payment on a
tow-truck or a back-hoe or
something, right? Start a real
business. We can start looking for
something today, tonight!
Val points up ahead -- a man is sitting near the top of a
distant electrical tower.
VAL
Jeez, look at that guy.
EARL
(shakes his head)
One job I'd never take is working
around electricity.
VAL
Especially when it's two hundred
feet off the ground.
But as the pass the tower:
VAL (cont'd)
Hey, hold up...That's Edgar Deems!
EARL
You're full of shit.
VAL
He's only got one damn jacket.
That's him, I'm telling you.
26 EXT. ELECTRICAL TOWER - DAY 26
Earl pulls over. They climb out and peer up at the tower.
Edgar is hard to see through the criss-crossing girders.
EARL
(impressed)
Man, oh, man. He must've really
been drunk this time.
(shouts)
Edgar! What the hell you doing?
Get on down from there!
Edgar doesn't move. Val and Earl shift about uncomfortably.
VAL
Well, shit, we can't leave him up
there.
They stare at each other. Someone's got to climb up. Val
raises his fist in The Challenge. Their fingers fly. Rock
breaks scissors. Val loses.
Valentine unhappily climbs the tall tower while Earl watches
from below.
VAL (cont'd)
Hey, Edgar, don't you move. I'm
coming to get you...You damn fool,
you owe me on this one...
Higher and higher Val climbs. He tries not to look down.
He's approaching Edgar from below and behind. As he gets
nearer he begins to notice forboding details: one of Edgar's
shoes is missing, half the trouser led is torn off.. Edgar is
strapped to a girder by his belt, his shotgun gripped in his
hands. A swarm of flies buzzes away.
VAL (cont'd)
What the hell...
He edges around to where he can see Edgar's face -- the
eyes are wide open, staring. He's dead.
27 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 27
Old Fred is now hoeing his garden. He glances up as Val and
Earl's pick-up roars back toward Perfection.
28 EXT. JIM AND MEGAN'S HOUSE - DAY 28
A big station wagon is parked between a small mobile home and
a half-finished house being built by JIM and MEGAN WALLACE,
an out-going, energetic older couple. Lumber, cinder blocks,
and tools are scattered around the yard.
Jim examines Edgar's body in the bed of Val and Earl's pick-
up truck. Val, Earl and Megan talk in subdued tones.
VAL
Real sorry to bother you, Megan,
but we figured since Jim's a doctor...
MEGAN
No, it's fine. You did the right
thing. When Jim is done we'll call
the Coroner's office in Bixby.
We'll take care of it.
(shakes her head)
Poor Edgar.
EARL
(tries to break the mood)
Well, I see you got all the
wallboard up.
MEGAN
That was easy. You two did the
hard part. Sure sorry you're
leaving.
Jim climbs out of the pick-up.
EARL
Was is a heart attack?
JIM
(shaking his head)
He died of dehydration. Thirst.
VAL
But that doesn't make sense. That
takes a couple of days, doesn't it?
JIM
Three or four even.
EARL
You mean he sat up there three or
four days? Just sat there till he
died of thirst?
Jim shrugs. Everyone is mystified.
29 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 29
Fred is still hoeing. In the nearby pen his sheep start
acting restless. He eyes them. What's up? We hear a
strange muffled sound. Unseen, behind him, at the far end of
the garden, his scarecrow mysteriously tilts.
Old Fred keeps hoeing. He stops, his foot is caught in the
dirt. Suddenly he is yanked knee-deep into the ground!
30 EXT. CANYON ROAD - DAY 30
Val and Earl's truck, again headed for Bixby, and going way
too fast, zooms past the two workers still repairing the
road. The workers glance up, annoyed.
31 EXT. SHACK - DAY 31
Val and Earl, sobered and deep in thought, drive past the
shack where the ferocious dog lives. They automatically roll
up their windows during:
EARL
Reckon he hated Perfection more
than us? You suppose he wanted to
kill himself?
VAL
If he did, why didn't he use his
damn shotgun?
EARL
Maybe he just couldn't pull the
trigger...
VAL
Oh sure, he figured it was easier
to die of thirst? Come on,
sombody must've chased him up
there.
EARL
Oh, you mean somebody who ain't
scared of a twelve gauge shotgun.
And then what did they do? Camp
out down below and just wait for
him to die?
Val has no answer. It's too weird.
VAL
Well, whatever the hell happened
it's just one more goddamn good
reason to haul ass out of this
place.
EARL
You got that right.
They are passing the shack. Earl suddenly realizes:
EARL (cont'd)
Hey, where the hell's that asshole
dog?
VAL
(looking around)
Probably up a pole starving itself
to death.
EARL
Okay, the plan is: pedal to the
metal the whole way. We don't stop
till we hit the carwash, not even
to pee.
VAL
I'll go with that plan.
32 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 32
CLOSE ON the pick-up's tires skidding to a stop. PULL OUT to
see we're back at Old Fred's.
VAL
What are you doing?
Earl is staring wide-eyed. Val follows Earl's gaze and is
aghast when he sees --
The sheep pen -- it's a ghastly, bloody mess. Scattered on
the churned up ground a few dismembered sheep legs and heads
are all that remain of the flock.
VAL
(whispers)
What the hell...?
Val and Earl leap out of the truck to investigate.
VAL
Hey, Old Fred! Fred! Where are
you?!
Earl dashes into Fred's house. Val checks around outside.
Earl comes back out.
EARL
Not here.
Then they spot something lying in the middle of the garden --
Old Fred's hat.
Still looking all around, Val squats distractedly to pick up
the hat. He and Earl stumble backward in shock.
OLD FRED IS STILL WEARING HIS HAT!! His mangled face stares
up at them, eyes and mouth frozen open in a death grimace.
EARL
Oh, Jesus!!
VAL
What the hell is going on? I mean
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!
33 EXT. CANYON ROAD - DAY 33
Carmine and Howard continue repairing the road, Carmine still
using the noisy jackhammer. Val and Earl drive up.
EARL
You guys better get the hell outta
here! We got a killer on the loose!
HOWARD
What?
Carmine stops jackhammering to listen.
EARL
A murderer, man! A real psycho.
He's cutting people's heads off!
I'm serious! I'd high-tail for
town if I was you!
Val and Earl speed away.
CARMINE
They're drunk.
HOWARD
Yeah...
But he edges over to the truck and takes out a heavy steel
pry-bar to keep within easy reach.
Carmine goes back to work, pounding the asphalt with the
jackhammer. Suddenly the blade strikes something beneath the
road, something soft. We hear a strange, unearthly shriek
from underground. A weird orange goo gushes up around the
blade. Then the jackhammer takes off by itself like a
harpoon stuck in a whale! Carmine gets tangled in the jack-
hammer's air-hose and is dragged along, shouting for help.
Howard chases him down the embankment and into the scrub-
brush. He hears Carmine screaming.
HOWARD
Carmine! What the hell is it?!
Where are you?
But now there is only silence. Howard crashes through the
brush. All he finds is the torn end of the air-hose -- which
suddenly sucks down into the ground. He's momentarily
staggered by an awful smell, but forces himself to keep
looking. He lets the pry-bar drag on the ground. Then
something -- it looks like a mouth or a horrid beak -- shoots
out of the ground and grips the pry-bar with uncanny
strength! Howard drops his weapon and scrambles madly away.
He clambers back onto the road. But almost immediately
cracks form in the pavement around him. More beak-things
break through the asphalt between him and his truck.
He dashes across the road, scrambling up the embankment. He
clings precariously to a tree root, looking down -- where'd
they go? Suddenly the dirt around him begins to "bubble."
Several hungry beaks break through and grab him, yanking him
head first into the embankment. Then the embankment gives
way, crashing down onto the road, taking with it a nearby
telephone pole and snapping the lines.
34 INT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 34
Pham Van is talking to MIGUEL, a local rancher. They both
jump as the doors burst open. Val and Earl race in, trailed
by Nestor and Melvin. Val heads for the payphone during:
NESTOR
His head? You mean just his head?
Val grabs the phone and digs in his pocket for change.
VAL
Yeah, really sick, man. Sweet Old
Fred.
Earl comes up with change and hands it to Val, who dials.
PHAM VAN
Something happen to Fred?
MELVIN
(ignoring Pham)
Are you serious, man? They killed
him just to take his sheep?
EARL
He didn't have nothing else to
steal. Neither did Edgar.
MIGUEL
What happened to Edgar?
Val stares at the phone.
VAL
I don't believe this. The phone is
out! Pham, your phone is out!
PHAM VAN
I didn't do it! What's going on?
Val and Earl rush out.
35 EXT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 35
Trailed by the others Val and Earl march out and leap into their truck , Val driving now. He searches for the key.
EARL
You go north, I'll go south.
Written by
S. S. Wilson & Brent Maddock
WD6
6/21/88
1 EXT. DESERT VALLEY - DAY 1
The high desert -- absolutely silent -- a vast, hard land-
scape stretching away to distant mountains. The silence is
broken by hoof-beats.
2 EXT. EDGAR'S PLACE - DAY 2
It's a simple cabin dwarfed by a big, ramshackle barn. EDGAR
DEEMS (60s), a weathered desert rat of a hermit, is walking
his donkey around in circles.
Now, rattling toward them down an endless dirt road, comes an
old, sun-bleached Buick. It stops and out leans OLD FRED
(70s) wearing a sweat-stained fedora. The two friends nod.
OLD FRED
How's she doing?
EDGAR
She wants to lay down. I'm a
little worried.
Old Fred climbs out with a bushel basket of carrots.
OLD FRED
Well, I brung her something I know
she likes.
EDGAR
Damn, Fred, you can't give away all
those.
OLD FRED
Forget it. I got vegetables coming
out my ears. Usually the varmints
eat up half my crop, but lately I
ain't so much as seen a gopher or a
jack-rabbit nowheres.
EDGAR
If that ain't the truth. And I
count on them for a little bit of
stew meat...Thank you, Fred.
Edgar takes the carrots and feeds one to the donkey.
EDGAR (cont'd)
Here you go, Justine. Look what
Fred brought you.
OLD FRED
We playing cards tonight?
EDGAR
I think I'm gonna be sitting up
with her.
OLD FRED
I'd do the same. Well, catch you
Thursday.
EDGAR
You bet.
The men nod, and Old Fred drives off.
CLOSE-UP of the donkey's hooves thumping along as Edgar leads
her to the barn.
EDGAR (cont'd)
Let's get you out of the sun for a
spell.
EDGAR (cont'd)
I'll get you some fresh water.
But, suddenly, we hear the donkey restlessly stomping its
hooves and braying. Edgar turns, concerned. Now we hear an
odd sound. Distant thunder? The wind? The donkey gets more
and more frantic.
The barn shudders violently. Frightened birds explode from
the eaves. Dust puffs from every old seam. Roof shingles
rain down. Edgar stares in amazement.
EDGAR (cont'd)
...some kind of earthquake!?
Then another sound -- the donkey starts screeching in wild
panic.
EDGAR (cont'd)
Justine, hang on! I'm coming!
Edgar races back to the barn and flings open the doors.
3 INT. EDGAR'S BARN - DAY 3
Dust swirls through the air. But -- the barn in empty. No
donkey. Now Edgar is hit by a ghastly stench. He staggers
back, and covers his nose with a handkerchief. Then he sees,
splattered across the walls -- blood!
EDGAR
What in the name of Jehovah...?
He raises his arms above the door frame. When he lowers them
he's holding a 12 gauge shotgun. He races outside, ready to
shoot, but there's nothing -- as far as the eye can see.
4 EXT. CLIFFS - DAWN 4
The sun lights up spectacular sheer cliffs which plunge 1000
feet from a ruggedly beautiful high-desert plateau. At the
top of the cliffs, silhouetted against the dawn, a lone cow-
boy seems to gaze in deep contemplation at the sunrise. As
we MOVE IN, we realize he's actually peeing over the cliff.
This is VALENTINE MCKEE (25). Smart and good looking, Val
has nevertheless managed to underachieve brilliantly. He
coasts through life, following the path of least resistance
-- which has brought him to this dubious rustic existence on
the edge of civilization. But lately he's beginning to
wonder why he hasn't accomplished more in his 25 years.
As a few sleepy cows gaze at him, sleepy Val shuffles over to
his battered old pickup truck. A hand-painted sign on the
door reads: "V & E -- All Type's of Job's." Indeed, the
pick-up bed is jumbled with tools and supplies for every
conceivable odd job -- and the noisily snoring form of his
partner huddled in a dirty sleeping bag. Val raps on the
side of the truck.
VAL
(softly)
Good morning, Mr. Bassett, this is
your wake-up call. Please move
your fat ass.
No response from the sleeping bag. Val stares at the cows
chewing their cud -- and perks up as he gets an idea. He
gently steps onto the truck's running board, then suddenly
starts jumping up and down as hard as he can, rocking the
truck violently.
VAL (cont'd)
STAMPEDE! EARL, GET OUT OF THE
WAY!
The sleeping bag tries to get up and run for it. It tumbles
out of the back of the pickup. While Val laughs uproar-
iously, EARL BASSET (43) claws his way out of the bag, looks
around wildly, and finds himself staring at three motionless
cows.
EARL
You dumb shit.
Earl is a good-ol' boy who has lived his life just like Val,
drifting from job to job. He knows why he hasn't accom-
plished anything, and often tries to impart his hard-won
wisdom to Val, but the last thing the younger man wants is
advice.
Earl stretches. The men begin a silent ritual: Earl gropes
through his pockets for a cigarette, but only finds a
lighter. Meanwhile, Val digs in his pockets, coming up with
cigarettes, but no lighter. Typical of these two, each guy
always has half of what he needs. Eventually they sort it
out, trading the necessary implements.
Earl reaches for a coffee-pot on a battered Coleman stove on
the tailgate. But it's cold.
EARL
You didn't cook breakfast?
VAL
Did it yesterday. Franks and
beans.
EARL
(tries to recall)
No...it was eggs. I did eggs.
VAL
Hell you did. Your turn.
Earl raises his fist. This is The Challenge, and it instantly
triggers the partners' conflict-resolution technique. They
solve all disputes using the children's game of "scissors,
rock, paper." Earl raises his fist in response. The game is
played swiftly and silently -- one, two, three. On three,
Val mimes "paper" (open hand. Earl mimes "scissors" (two
extended fingers). Scissors cuts paper. Val has lost. He
shrugs and starts pumping up the stove fuel tank.
VAL (cont'd)
Well, when I'm your age I'll
probably forget what I eat, too.
4A EXT. DESERT VALLEY - FENCE - DAY 4A
Val and Earl are restringing a dilapidated, and seemingly
endless, barbed wire fence. A few bored cows watch them.
VAL
How many cows does it take to make
a stampede? Is it like three or
more? Is there a minimum speed?
EARL
(shakes his head)
I was in one. A bolt of lightning
blew up cottonwood tree. Three
hundred head going hell-bent for
the horizon. Wasn't so damn funny,
I can tell you.
Earl's hand slips and the fence snags him right through his
thick glove.
EARL (cont'd)
Ow! God damn! Is this a job for
intelligent men?!
VAL
If there was one nearby I'd
probably ask him.
EARL
I keep thinking, if we were but
half serious about money, we should
quit being hired hands and...
VAL
(mock serious)
Handymen, Earl. We're handymen.
EARL
Whatever the hell we are, we should
quit and go get ourselves some real
employment.
Val gestures to the vastness around them.
VAL
What, and give up all this personal
freedom?
5 EXT. JEEP TRAIL - DAY 5
Val guides the truck down a tortuous, rocky, almost impas-
sable trail. It takes full concentration as he fights the
steering wheel, shifts, rides the brake and leans out trying
to pick a decent route. Earl braces his feet on the dash and
munches breakfast, a raw hot dog right out of the package.
VAL
Goddamn jeep trail gets worse every
year.
EARL
(shrugs)
Has a lot of rain.
Earl pulls a box of Hershey bars from under the seat. There's
only one bar left. He sets the box down between them. Val
glances at it -- and raises his fist: The Challenge. One,
two, three. Val mimes "paper;" Earl mimes "rock." Earl
loses. Val takes the bar.
EARL
(pointing ahead)
You're gonna get us hung up.
VAL
Do not talk to the driver.
THWONK! The truck lurches to a stop, its frame caught on a
big rock. Val glares at Earl.
6 EXT. DESERT INTERSECTION - PICK-UP TRUCK - DAY 6
The pick-up turns from a dirt road onto an old paved road.
VAL (V.O.)
What do we have next?
7 INT. PICK-UP - MOVING - DAY 7
Earl consults a crumpled list pulled from inside his hat.
EARL
Uh...Digging that waterhole for
Nestor.
VAL
Burt and Heather's place is closer.
Let's do their kitchen today. Do
Nestor tomorrow.
EARL
Nestor's out of town tomorrow. We
don't dig today. We don't get paid
today. Damn it, Valentine, you
never plan ahead. You never take
the long view. Hell, here it is
Monday and I'm already working on
Wednesday.
(squints dubiously at
his schedule)
It is Monday, right?
But Val is peering at the desert up ahead. Off the road a
ways is a small Toyota pick-up truck and, beside it, a lone
figure trying to flag them down.
VAL
Who the hell's that? That's not
what's his name...the grad student?
EARL
Nah, it's September. Must be the
new one.
VAL
The new one! That's supposed to be
a girl!
Earl braces himself, knowing what Val will do. Val swerves
the truck wildly off the road, barreling across the desert.
VAL (cont'd)
(almost praying)
You will have long blonde hair, big
green eyes, nice full breasts that
stand up and say hello, ass that
won't quit. And legs, legs that go
all the way up!
Earl shakes his head, mildly bemused as they slide to a stop
in a cloud of dust.
8 EXT. DESERT - RHONDA'S TRUCK - DAY 8
Val looks out hopefully. The dust clears. He sees her --
RHONDA LeBECK, (25). Val's eyes do an expert vertical scan:
short brown hair, small brown eyes, so-so chest, legs hidden
in baggy dungarees.
Laden with a portable computer, notebooks, and some
seismograph printouts, she stares at him through tilted
glasses. Her little pick-up truck is loaded with geology
field equipment. She shakes Val's hand firmly.
RHONDA
(brightly)
Hi, I'm Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck.
I'm up here for the semester...
VAL
Yeah, geography.
RHONDA
Right, geology. And you have to be
Val and Earl. I've heard all about
you.
EARL
We deny everything.
Rhonda smiles.
RHONDA
Listen, got a question for you. Do
you know if anybody is doing any
blasting or drilling or anything
like that?
VAL
Around here? Why would they?
RHONDA
Well, I'm supposed monitor these
seismographs. You know, they
measure vibrations...
VAL
Yeah, vibrations in the ground.
RHONDA
Yeah, well, I'm getting what I
refer to scientifically as "weird
vibes." every sensor I've got is
giving me strange readings. I
mean, the school has had these
machines up here three years and
they've never recorded anything
like this.
EARL
Well, we'll ask around. Let you
know if we hear of anything.
RHONDA
Thanks. God, I hope they're not
screwed up. I might have to bag
the whole semester. Anyway, sorry
to bother you.
EARL
No problem. Nice meeting you.
Hope you get it sorted out.
Rhonda unhappily turns back to her equipment as Val and Earl
drive off.
9 INT. PICK-UP TRUCK - MOVING - DAY 9
Earl glances over at Val with a gleam in his eye.
EARL
You know, if you wanted, we could
take a look at those seismographs
for her.
VAL
What the hell do we know about
seismographs?
EARL
Nothing. But it sure might be a
nice way of getting to know her.
VAL
Why?
EARL
Goddamnit, Valentine, you won't go
for any gal unless she fits that
damn list of yours A to Z...
VAL
Well, sure.
EARL
...And is dumber than my hind end.
Like that Bobby Lynn Dexter...
Val flips down the truck's sunvisor. Tapes to it are snap-
shots of nearly identical blonde bimbos. Val points to one.
VAL
(defensively)
Tammy Lynn Baxter.
EARL
Don't matter. They're all the
same: dead weight. Can't make a
decision, can't walk because of
their shoes, can't work because of
their fingernails. Make my skin
crawl!
VAL
Well, I'm a victim of circumstance.
EARL
I thought you called it your
pecker. Look, don't make the
mistake I made. Twenty years of
looking for a woman exactly like
Miss October 1968, and where'd it
get me? Here with you.
Val rolls his eyes -- "Give me a break."
10 EXT. PERFECTION - ESTABLISH - DAY 10
The pick-up rattles toward a tiny, utterly isolated high
desert hamlet -- a few dozen houses and mobile homes fighting
for shade in the vast landscape. Its most prominent feature
is an aging wood-frame water tower, perhaps 25 feet high,
near the center of town. A sign PANS into view --
"PERFECTION -- Pop. 14."
11 EXT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 11
Val and Earl head past the water tower for Pham Van's General
Store, Perfection's main gossip stop and only business. The
store's sign, in English and Vietnamese, reads: "Groceries,
Haircuts, Post Office, Town Hall, VIDEOS!" Val and Earl park
next to a camouflage-painted, large-tired Blazer.
Just then they spot MELVIN, the town's surly teen-aged pain-
in-the-ass, coming toward them, mindlessly bouncing a
basketball off the hoods of parked cars. As he nears their
truck:
EARL
Melvin, touch that truck and die.
MELVIN
Oh, man, I'm really shaking.
But he steers clear of their truck.
12 INT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 12
Inside, the energetic Vietnamese owner, PHAM VAN, presides
over his all-purpose establishment: part general store, part
barber shop, part saloon.
At the bar are BURT GUMMER and his wife HEATHER, two no-
nonsense survivalists who have settled in Perfection to await
the coming apocalypse -- a nice enough couple, but there's a
hint of paranoia around the edges. Burt is shoving a box of
cartridges across to Pham.
BURT
No, Pham, they're not hollow
points. I ordered hollow points
and that's what I want.
When Val and Earl enter, Pham automatically pops the tops on
two cold beers and has them in place before the cowboys reach
the bar. Everyone exchanged nods.
HEATHER
Hi, guys, what you been up to?
VAL
Ran into the new college student,
Rona.
EARL
Rhonda. Rhonda LeBeck. She's
getting some kind of strange
readings on her things.
BURT
Damn, you know, those kids turn up
oil or uranium or something out
there...next thing the Feds will be
at our door. "Sorry, time to move.
Eminent domain."
HEATHER
Down, honey, down.
VAL
Yeah, Burt. The way you worry,
you're gonna have a heart attack
before you get to survive World War
III.
Heather and Pham laugh. Burt smiles patiently. Just then
the compressor in Pham's ice cream freezer comes on. It's a
loud chug-chug-chug sound mixed with a high-pitched squeal.
PHAM VAN
Hey Val, listen. Bearing going
out, you think?
VAL
Could be.
He starts toward the compressor, but Earl heads him off.
EARL
Catch it later, Pham. Gotta get
over to Nestor's.
VAL
Right. We plan ahead. That way we
don't do anything right now. Earl
explained it to me.
As they turn to go, Val does a take, amazed, as he spots a
decorative bleached-out cattle skull displayed on the counter
-- with a $29.95 price tag.
VAL (cont'd)
Hey, Pham Van, what the hell is
this?
BURT
A beauty, isn't it? We bought three
of them for the rec room.
VAL
(whispers to Pham Van)
We sell 'em to you for three bucks
a piece!
PHAM VAN
(deadpan)
And I appreciate it.
VAL
(playfully)
You don't get it, Pham. The idea
was: we were ripping you off.
Suddenly a car alarm blares from outside. Burt's out the
door in a flash. The others follow.
13 EXT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 13
Burt races out and shouts at Melvin who back guiltily away
from Burt's camouflage Blazer.
BURT
Melvin, you little pain-in-the-ass!
MELVIN
It wasn't me, man! Your truck's
just screwed up, that's all.
Burt angrily switches off the alarm. Val and Earl laugh as
they climb into their truck.
VAL
Why don't his parents ever take him
to Vegas with them?
EARL
You gotta ask that?
14 EXT. PIT - DAY 14
At one end of town, Earl maneuvers a huge bulldozer with a
scoop-loader blade through a choking cloud of dust, scouring
out a shallow pit to serve as a watering hole. Val sights
down a row of stakes which mark one end of the pit. The job
is done. He signals Earl to cut the engine. Both men have
kerchiefs covering their faces and are totally encrusted with
dust.
15 ANGLE - TRUCK TRAILER - DAY 15
Nearby is an old battered truck trailer -- the massive, solid
steel kind used for heavy rock hauling. Tires flat, mired in
dried mud and weeds, it hasn't been used in years. Now it
provides welcome shade as the men sit sipping some coffee.
NESTOR CUNNINGHAM drives up, surveying the pit with approval.
NESTOR
It came out great, boys. Should
fill up just fine come the next
rain. Lemme have your bill.
Earl and Val start fishing in their pockets for pen and
paper. Earl comes up with various pieces of paper, Val with
three or four pens. It's a moment before they realize each
has the other needed implement. Earl writes out the bill
during:
NESTOR (cont'd)
I'll have to send it to you the
first of the month, boys.
Val and Earl exchange pained looks.
NESTOR (cont'd)
Now, you know I'm good for it.
VAL
Yeah, Nestor, we know. Don't worry
about it. Catch us when you can.
They amble over to their truck. Earl takes the driver's side
-- and starts fishing in his pockets for the key.
VAL (cont'd)
Are we too easy-going?
EARL
No, we're not too easy-going. This
area is economically depressed.
Val realizes he has the key and hands it over.
VAL
So what if we just did it...today.
Pack up. Drive straight down to
Bixby. Get serious.
EARL
We could. We could. But we'd have
to get really serious. It's gonna
cost twice as much to rent a place.
VAL
So? That car wash pays good, and
they're always looking.
EARL
Car wash?! That's got no future.
If we're gonna take the plunge we
oughta have a better plan than
that.
VAL
Yeah, sure. Go ahead and plan
it...for a year or two.
16 EXT. VIOLA'S PLACE - DAY 16
CLOSE ON a stencilled sign: PHAM VAN'S U-RENT -- CESSPOOL,
SEPTIC TANKS. PULL OUT to see Val and Earl have rented a
portable septic pump (perhaps trailer mounted). The aged
machine reeks of and drips with its ignoble cargo. The
intake hose has been repaired so often it looks to be more
tape than hose. Grimacing Val threads the slimy hose down
through the open top of Viola's cesspool.
Beside them is Viola's well-kept mobile home on a low hill
not far from Pham Van's store. Well-kept flower gardens
surround the place. VIOLA, a sweet little old lady, watches
the men work while straining to hold the leash of her tiny
but ferocious dog. The dog yaps continuously, lunging at
Val and Earl.
VIOLA
Stop it! Stop it, you horrid
animal!
(to Val and Earl)
I'm going to give her back to my
son. I swear it.
VAL
Hey, Viola, you've got my
permission.
EARL
God almighty, my mama sure didn't
raise me for this.
Val gets up and starts the pump's gas engine.
VAL
Well, you're the one won't work in
the car wash. You're the one's
gotta have a plan.
EARL
Damn it, Val! Not having a plan is
what keeps us doing jobs like this!
Earl angrily throws the pump valve and starts the pump
mechanism. He and Val on stand either side of the intake
hose as it gurgles happily.
VAL
What keeps us doing jobs like this
is you dragging your feet. I was
up for going to Bixby. I was
getting excited.
EARL
In the past year I must've said a
hundred times "We gotta get out of
Perfection. We gotta better
ourselves." You gonna stand there
in broad daylight and tell me you
think I'm the reason we're still
here? You want to know how close I
am to going to Bixby right now?
VAL
I'll call that little bluff. How
close?
POW! GOOOOSH! The gurgling intake hose ruptures, showering
them with -- well you know. They react as if they'd been
shot; gagging, staggering, screaming obscenities.
17 EXT. VAL AND EARL'S TRAILER - DAY 17
Val and Earl's beat-up mobile home is just down the street
from Pham Van's store. Val and Earl, now in cleaner clothes,
march out resolutely. Val has a portable TV in one hand and
a framed COORS beer sign in the other. Earl unhooks the
clothes line and dumps it, clothes and all, into the back of
their truck, on top of the rest of their belongings.
They stare at each other for a moment. This is it. No going
back. They leap into the truck. As they drive off, Val leans
out and yanks their wooden nameplate ("E. Basset -- V. McKee")
off the mailbox.
18 EXT. NANCY'S HOUSE - DAY 18
They haven't gone fifty yards when they spot NANCY STERNGOOD
(40s) working in front of her house. The guys pull their
hats low over their faces. Earl swerves to the far side of
the street.
EARL
Uh oh, it's Nancy. She wants
another load of firewood.
VAL
Forget it, man. It's not worth it.
Nancy spots them and beckons excitedly.
EARL
She's got us. Now, listen, the
plan is: we have done our last job
in Perfection.
VAL
That's the plan.
They stop beside Nancy. While they talk, Nancy's daughter,
MINDY (9), comes bouncing along on her pogo-stick, listening
to her Walkman and slowly circling the truck.
NANCY
Mindy, honey, don't pogo in the
street. Hey, guys, I've got a job
for you...
EARL
Sorry, Nancy. We ain't doing odd
jobs anymore. We're headed for
Bixby permanent.
NANCY
(skeptical)
Oh, sure...
(sees stuff in back of
truck)
...My God, you really are!
VAL
Yep, we're relocating to an area
with a greater economic base.
(to Mindy, over her music)
Hey, Mindy, what's the count?
MINDY
Six hundred three, six hundred
four, six hundred five...
VAL
Go for it!
NANCY
Gee, guys. I made the big
decision. I'm putting in that
satellite dish. I was going to
offer you five hundred dollars.
Val and Earl glance at each other -- five hundred dollars!
19 EXT. DESERT ROAD - PICK-UP TRUCK - DAY 19
The truck roars toward the "Leaving Perfection" sign. Val
and Earl are elated, downright giddy.
EARL
We did it! We faced temptation and
we did not bend!
VAL
Damn straight! Now there's nothing
between us and Bixby but nothing!
They zoom past the sign.
VAL (cont'd)
Last time we'll see that sign!
They laugh, then are thrown half out of their seats as Earl
accidentally hits a big pothole.
EARL
Last time we hit that goddamn
pothole!
20 EXT. DESERT - WIDE - DAY 20
As the truck streaks across the landscape. Val and Earl
merrily continue their good-byes to whatever is visible.
VAL (V.O.)
So long, cactus!
EARL (V.O.)
Adios, bridge!
21 EXT. CANYON ROAD - DAY 21
On its way down from the high desert, the lonely road now
winds through a twisting, narrow canyon. A county highway
maintenance truck is parked to one side and two road workers,
CARMINE and HOWARD, repair a slide-damaged section of the
road, Carmine breaking up asphalt with a jackhammer. Val and
Earl pull up, hand them each a beer, and speed away, shouting:
VAL
Last time down this damn twisty
road!
22 EXT. SHACK - DAY 22
The pick-up speeds past a small shack. Val and Earl
automatically roll up their windows. In a moment we see why:
a monster, ferocious dog comes galloping out to chase their
truck. Earl gives the dog the finger.
EARL
Last chance, asshole. Run, run...!
23 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 23
Old Fred latches the gate on his corral filled with sheep.
He looks up as Val and Earl's truck speeds past. Val and Earl
honk their horn and wave happily. Old Fred waves back.
24 EXT. ROAD - ELECTRICAL TOWERS - DAY 24
The pick-up zooms along, the road now paralleling a line of
tall high-tension electrical towers.
25 INT./EXT. PICK-UP TRUCK - MOVING - DAY 25
The guys have calmed down, but each is still dreaming of a
new life.
EARL
Okay, here's the plan. We bust our
tails in the car wash six months...
well, maybe nine...and we don't
spend a dime, you know? And then
we go for it...down payment on a
tow-truck or a back-hoe or
something, right? Start a real
business. We can start looking for
something today, tonight!
Val points up ahead -- a man is sitting near the top of a
distant electrical tower.
VAL
Jeez, look at that guy.
EARL
(shakes his head)
One job I'd never take is working
around electricity.
VAL
Especially when it's two hundred
feet off the ground.
But as the pass the tower:
VAL (cont'd)
Hey, hold up...That's Edgar Deems!
EARL
You're full of shit.
VAL
He's only got one damn jacket.
That's him, I'm telling you.
26 EXT. ELECTRICAL TOWER - DAY 26
Earl pulls over. They climb out and peer up at the tower.
Edgar is hard to see through the criss-crossing girders.
EARL
(impressed)
Man, oh, man. He must've really
been drunk this time.
(shouts)
Edgar! What the hell you doing?
Get on down from there!
Edgar doesn't move. Val and Earl shift about uncomfortably.
VAL
Well, shit, we can't leave him up
there.
They stare at each other. Someone's got to climb up. Val
raises his fist in The Challenge. Their fingers fly. Rock
breaks scissors. Val loses.
Valentine unhappily climbs the tall tower while Earl watches
from below.
VAL (cont'd)
Hey, Edgar, don't you move. I'm
coming to get you...You damn fool,
you owe me on this one...
Higher and higher Val climbs. He tries not to look down.
He's approaching Edgar from below and behind. As he gets
nearer he begins to notice forboding details: one of Edgar's
shoes is missing, half the trouser led is torn off.. Edgar is
strapped to a girder by his belt, his shotgun gripped in his
hands. A swarm of flies buzzes away.
VAL (cont'd)
What the hell...
He edges around to where he can see Edgar's face -- the
eyes are wide open, staring. He's dead.
27 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 27
Old Fred is now hoeing his garden. He glances up as Val and
Earl's pick-up roars back toward Perfection.
28 EXT. JIM AND MEGAN'S HOUSE - DAY 28
A big station wagon is parked between a small mobile home and
a half-finished house being built by JIM and MEGAN WALLACE,
an out-going, energetic older couple. Lumber, cinder blocks,
and tools are scattered around the yard.
Jim examines Edgar's body in the bed of Val and Earl's pick-
up truck. Val, Earl and Megan talk in subdued tones.
VAL
Real sorry to bother you, Megan,
but we figured since Jim's a doctor...
MEGAN
No, it's fine. You did the right
thing. When Jim is done we'll call
the Coroner's office in Bixby.
We'll take care of it.
(shakes her head)
Poor Edgar.
EARL
(tries to break the mood)
Well, I see you got all the
wallboard up.
MEGAN
That was easy. You two did the
hard part. Sure sorry you're
leaving.
Jim climbs out of the pick-up.
EARL
Was is a heart attack?
JIM
(shaking his head)
He died of dehydration. Thirst.
VAL
But that doesn't make sense. That
takes a couple of days, doesn't it?
JIM
Three or four even.
EARL
You mean he sat up there three or
four days? Just sat there till he
died of thirst?
Jim shrugs. Everyone is mystified.
29 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 29
Fred is still hoeing. In the nearby pen his sheep start
acting restless. He eyes them. What's up? We hear a
strange muffled sound. Unseen, behind him, at the far end of
the garden, his scarecrow mysteriously tilts.
Old Fred keeps hoeing. He stops, his foot is caught in the
dirt. Suddenly he is yanked knee-deep into the ground!
30 EXT. CANYON ROAD - DAY 30
Val and Earl's truck, again headed for Bixby, and going way
too fast, zooms past the two workers still repairing the
road. The workers glance up, annoyed.
31 EXT. SHACK - DAY 31
Val and Earl, sobered and deep in thought, drive past the
shack where the ferocious dog lives. They automatically roll
up their windows during:
EARL
Reckon he hated Perfection more
than us? You suppose he wanted to
kill himself?
VAL
If he did, why didn't he use his
damn shotgun?
EARL
Maybe he just couldn't pull the
trigger...
VAL
Oh sure, he figured it was easier
to die of thirst? Come on,
sombody must've chased him up
there.
EARL
Oh, you mean somebody who ain't
scared of a twelve gauge shotgun.
And then what did they do? Camp
out down below and just wait for
him to die?
Val has no answer. It's too weird.
VAL
Well, whatever the hell happened
it's just one more goddamn good
reason to haul ass out of this
place.
EARL
You got that right.
They are passing the shack. Earl suddenly realizes:
EARL (cont'd)
Hey, where the hell's that asshole
dog?
VAL
(looking around)
Probably up a pole starving itself
to death.
EARL
Okay, the plan is: pedal to the
metal the whole way. We don't stop
till we hit the carwash, not even
to pee.
VAL
I'll go with that plan.
32 EXT. OLD FRED'S PLACE - DAY 32
CLOSE ON the pick-up's tires skidding to a stop. PULL OUT to
see we're back at Old Fred's.
VAL
What are you doing?
Earl is staring wide-eyed. Val follows Earl's gaze and is
aghast when he sees --
The sheep pen -- it's a ghastly, bloody mess. Scattered on
the churned up ground a few dismembered sheep legs and heads
are all that remain of the flock.
VAL
(whispers)
What the hell...?
Val and Earl leap out of the truck to investigate.
VAL
Hey, Old Fred! Fred! Where are
you?!
Earl dashes into Fred's house. Val checks around outside.
Earl comes back out.
EARL
Not here.
Then they spot something lying in the middle of the garden --
Old Fred's hat.
Still looking all around, Val squats distractedly to pick up
the hat. He and Earl stumble backward in shock.
OLD FRED IS STILL WEARING HIS HAT!! His mangled face stares
up at them, eyes and mouth frozen open in a death grimace.
EARL
Oh, Jesus!!
VAL
What the hell is going on? I mean
WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?!!
33 EXT. CANYON ROAD - DAY 33
Carmine and Howard continue repairing the road, Carmine still
using the noisy jackhammer. Val and Earl drive up.
EARL
You guys better get the hell outta
here! We got a killer on the loose!
HOWARD
What?
Carmine stops jackhammering to listen.
EARL
A murderer, man! A real psycho.
He's cutting people's heads off!
I'm serious! I'd high-tail for
town if I was you!
Val and Earl speed away.
CARMINE
They're drunk.
HOWARD
Yeah...
But he edges over to the truck and takes out a heavy steel
pry-bar to keep within easy reach.
Carmine goes back to work, pounding the asphalt with the
jackhammer. Suddenly the blade strikes something beneath the
road, something soft. We hear a strange, unearthly shriek
from underground. A weird orange goo gushes up around the
blade. Then the jackhammer takes off by itself like a
harpoon stuck in a whale! Carmine gets tangled in the jack-
hammer's air-hose and is dragged along, shouting for help.
Howard chases him down the embankment and into the scrub-
brush. He hears Carmine screaming.
HOWARD
Carmine! What the hell is it?!
Where are you?
But now there is only silence. Howard crashes through the
brush. All he finds is the torn end of the air-hose -- which
suddenly sucks down into the ground. He's momentarily
staggered by an awful smell, but forces himself to keep
looking. He lets the pry-bar drag on the ground. Then
something -- it looks like a mouth or a horrid beak -- shoots
out of the ground and grips the pry-bar with uncanny
strength! Howard drops his weapon and scrambles madly away.
He clambers back onto the road. But almost immediately
cracks form in the pavement around him. More beak-things
break through the asphalt between him and his truck.
He dashes across the road, scrambling up the embankment. He
clings precariously to a tree root, looking down -- where'd
they go? Suddenly the dirt around him begins to "bubble."
Several hungry beaks break through and grab him, yanking him
head first into the embankment. Then the embankment gives
way, crashing down onto the road, taking with it a nearby
telephone pole and snapping the lines.
34 INT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 34
Pham Van is talking to MIGUEL, a local rancher. They both
jump as the doors burst open. Val and Earl race in, trailed
by Nestor and Melvin. Val heads for the payphone during:
NESTOR
His head? You mean just his head?
Val grabs the phone and digs in his pocket for change.
VAL
Yeah, really sick, man. Sweet Old
Fred.
Earl comes up with change and hands it to Val, who dials.
PHAM VAN
Something happen to Fred?
MELVIN
(ignoring Pham)
Are you serious, man? They killed
him just to take his sheep?
EARL
He didn't have nothing else to
steal. Neither did Edgar.
MIGUEL
What happened to Edgar?
Val stares at the phone.
VAL
I don't believe this. The phone is
out! Pham, your phone is out!
PHAM VAN
I didn't do it! What's going on?
Val and Earl rush out.
35 EXT. PHAM VAN'S STORE - DAY 35
Trailed by the others Val and Earl march out and leap into their truck , Val driving now. He searches for the key.
EARL
You go north, I'll go south.